Review: The Human Centipede 2

Sometimes I hate October.

Director Tom Six’s controversial film The Human Centipede becomes the obsession of a lonely, spiteful man. Without any medical background, this weirdo decides to recreate the horrific experiment from the film.

Well, it finally happened. A film that actually made me wince and look away from the screen.
Tom Six must be wrong in the head, and a little obsessed with his creation to make three films around it. I didn’t even care about the 2009 original; it was underwhelming despite the premise, barely shows anything truly horrific and is otherwise full of cliches. Now it feels like Six heard me, and any other critic, and opted to start again, for real this time.

The Human Centipede 2 is a gut-busting experience, one I am not going to put myself through again.
It starts out as ineffective as its predecessor, and I was confident I would sail through it and onto the third part in the same sitting. No harm done. The film follows a car park attendant, bug-eyed, short and fat, as he continuously watches the original film, pausing it on the tortured expressions of the victims. He even has a silly scrapbook under his bed with the poster sellotaped to the front and “100% Medically Accurate” scrawled on the back of the cover. Whenever this book appears I laughed.
Even when he starts knocking hapless victims unconscious and dragging them into a van, I still found it uninteresting and try-hard. Did I mention it has very little talking and is filmed entirely in black and white?

Get on with the centipede already, I saw it before and I doubt having nine more people involved will make any difference.

Oh god.
So… the film takes great steps in showing how this guy isn’t as skilled as the surgeon in the original… and he is in fact a psychopath. Trapped in a grungy, dirty warehouse, his victims are stripped, bound and gagged before being mutilated into the titular experiment. The dank setting, the black and white footage, as well as seeing the awfulness involved, far outweighs the first film’s rather conservative execution.

A man has his teeth knocked out with a hammer. I finished watching this hours ago, and I still feel my head swimming. No edits, no cutaways, you hear the taps and the clattering. It is awful. Despite the fact that I own Oldboy on blu-ray!

That, and more. In fact there are moments so dementedly vulgar and deviating from the main event that I really think the director just thought of it on the spot.

Outside of the horrendous acts of butchery and sadism… the film really isn’t much. At most it is Tom Six challenging those who didn’t think much of his first film, there’s no story, no characters, no tension and no scares. Just depravity that I need to watch my eyeballs clean of…
I say frequently that I enjoy horror films. I enjoy films that are clever enough to trick my mind to believe in something fantastical enough that I am afraid of it. This is not one of those films. Yes, I had to look away at one point, but surely that is as clever as a generic jump-scare in other horrors.

Pure and simple this film is designed to gross you out, with gore, depravity of all kinds, and to some extent it works. If the first film had this amount of detail… it might have been a decent horror. As is, they both fail but for very different reasons.

I am late to this franchise, but I tell you now: there’s no reason to watch it.



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