At best, it is retreading old ground.

Jessie fears she is losing her human friend Bonnie to technology when Lilypad, a sentient touch screen computer, arrives. It would seem toys everywhere are being abandoned in favour of “tech.” Can the toys turn things around?

The now 31 year old franchise has a new entry, co-written/co-directed by KcKenna Harris and Andrew Stanton, with most of its entire cast returning. Sometimes it is a little obvious that the voice boxes for these toys are getting older. Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, and Joan Cusack are back with others, and joined with newcomers Greta Lee, Conan O’Brien, and Ernie Hudson.

Finally, Jessie gets her movie after being introduced 27 years ago. Too bad then that we are very much into the franchise’s diminishing returns.

The story does indeed follow Jessie (Cusack). She is in charge of the toys belonging to Bonnie (the girl Andy bestowed them to in Toy Story 3) while Woody (Hanks) is out rescuing “lost toys” with Bo. But Bonnie is struggling to make friends, and her parents agree that getting her a Lilypad (a touch screen networked device) would help her bond with the neighbourhood’s children. The toys realize, however, that these “devices” are exactly why children aren’t making friends. Jessie sets out to defend Bonnie from this evil oppression and make her remember what it is to play.

Meanwhile, a ship full of Buzz Lightyear toys crashes on a desert island. (???)

Toy Story 3 remains a core cinema experience for me. If you are a certain age, I can just say “that scene”, and you know what I am talking about. The franchise had a conclusion in that movie. Toy Story 5 is an acceptable but also dispensible entry. At its best moments, it is the character growth Jessie has deserved for 21 years, and it riffs off the 1995 original. At its worst, nothing really happens here?

It took a while for me to warm to the movie, almost an hour of its runtime, in fact. Toy Story is in a strange place demographically. The longer it goes on, the more it feels like millennials clinging to their childhoods. Rather than writing for younger generations. It is true that “devices” (as Jessie calls them, with plenty of spite) are overwhelming children. But the doomsaying in Toy Story‘s newest entry is bordering on absurd. We get the classic “children are zombies now” cliché within minutes. Toys are being abandoned entirely, moss-covered and buried.

Tech is the bogeyman for millennials who see their kids playing games on their phones. But even then, the film cannot stick to its guns; relenting that despite the horrors of its earlier scenes, the terrifying premise isn’t actually that bad. This circling around makes for a movie without antagonists, and a surprisingly small amount of stakes.

There are so many characters now that it is getting ridiculous. Everyone gets at least one line, then otherwise (literally) get thrown in the garage. It makes me wish for Toy Story to have been an anthology series; a series about different toys with different chemistry and history. Not a spaghetti mess of personalities and the… joy?… of seeing Buzz and Jessie get married?

I feel very cynical these days. A millennial myself, I am a borderline contrarian if I wish to bad-mouth Toy Story. The positives, which there are some, are strong. The film has heart. Bonnie (Jessie and the toys’ new owner) is struggling to make friends. She’s an introvert who enjoys play and creativity, while the children around her are on their “devices”. Lilypad (Lee) confidently connects her to girls her age with online games. Bonnie’s parents are none-the-wiser of Bonnie’s degrading confidence as her new friends mock her for playing with toys.

This coupled with Jessie finally getting her character development (after 21 years, now I feel old) and it is good development. She has to contend with her overwhelming past, her present anxieties and anger, and see hope in the future. And everyone likes Bullseye.

The two characters, Jessie and Bonnie, have a good basis for character development. But I can’t say I felt particularly emotional, or scared (all previous Toy Story movies have had a scary scene or two) at any point. Perhaps that is the rub for me. There was heart, but there isn’t much weight or excitement.

Honestly, watching a Toy Story film and feeling little emotion is quite damning. If you enjoy these characters and want to see more, you will certainly get what you want. It is more in line with the first film than say Toy Story 4. Which pushed things too far. But the trade-off is that this newest entry is just a little stationary.

Additional Marshmallows: Tom Hanks earnestly saying the line: “Well, toys are for play, but tech? Tech is for everything.” actually makes me cringe every time.

Additional, additional Marshmallows: It is lightyears better than 2022’s Lightyear. What a thudding bore that was.